Home » Comedy » Why I am the funniest guy you will ever meet but would totally suck at being a stand up comedian.

Why I am the funniest guy you will ever meet but would totally suck at being a stand up comedian.

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So I have claimed I am funny in the title. I am. Seriously, I am. However, I am relatively sure that this blog over the next few minutes will fail to impress this point upon you. You see I am what I like to call a “Spontaneous Comedian”. I don’t know if this term has been used elsewhere. I could google it to see how common it is in cyber space but might then be devastated to see that it is commonly in use and I kind of like the idea that I have invented a term.

OK so why am I funny but could not be a stand up comedian? Fact. When I am in a conversation with someone or a group of people I can crack jokes based on the conversation we are having or the actions of what is happening around us. For example. I was in today’s (August 30, 2009) Sunday Mail (Brisbane, Australia). The photo was taken just yesterday morning and the picture had a slight resemblance to me. Everything from the head down was in proportion but my head was totally out of proportion to the way my head normally looks and this was verified by all of the people with whom were around the dining table at the time that my next round of spontaneous humour occurred.

I am sure that what I am about to write will not come across anywhere near as funny as it actually was but essentially my head in this photo looks about 40 years older than I actually am but it also looks like it has been shrunk somewhat. I am a big man standing 6’ 2” and weigh approx 140kg. I am bald as you can tell by my avatar on this blogging site. But fair dinkum, my head looked 20% smaller than it actually is. So I started cracking jokes that it looks like I am 87 and that it looks like my body has expanded due to inhaling helium and none of it went to my head. I was saying that my head was severely compressed and perhaps had been shrunk by pygmies etc. I think you get the drift. This barrage of jokes continued on for about 5 minutes and the 4 or 5 people who witnessed this rant were seriously laughing out loud with some struggling to breathe and one or two with tears coming from their eyes. I was in my element.

There are many, many examples where I can have people struggling for breath after a burst of Spontaneous Comedy and I won’t go into it here but I will try to explain why I would never make a good stand up comedian. To be a good stand up comedian you need to have good written material. I will always struggle here. I can conceptualise a few funny gags but I struggle to nail home the home run as you can tell by my blog writing. So that is one problem. The other main problem is that my delivery sucks. I have recorded a couple of bits and uploaded onto YouTube but while I think the overall idea is funny, they just totally fall flat. I have ‘road tested’ a couple of bits to friends and family and they just stare back with a look of anxiety and a feeling of dread that they were used as an experiment in a sick social experiment at making people try and laugh and for that I apologise. You can see the YouTube clips I recorded about 2 years ago here and here. The other problem I have is that my tone is a little monotone. Not quite Elliott Goblet monotone but certainly very bland.

So where does that leave me? I want to make people laugh and smile. I get a huge thrill seeing people struggling to breathe after I have given some Spontaneous Comedy and perhaps that is where I will stay. I could see myself as the side kick on a breakfast radio program. Is that sort of career going to come about? Perhaps. People tell me I have a voice (and face) for radio. We will see.

So until I work out what I am going to do I will continue to unleash on my family and friends. I am sure they won’t mind.

Now, who wants to be my friend! Be prepared if you say yes though because I promise that you will be left rolling in the aisles. That is my Spontaneous Comedy guarantee.


  1. Joanne Manthey says:

    Well that is the funniest thing you have ever said! lol

  2. Scott says:

    After reading this I’m thinking of changing my name to Ralph Lifshitz

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